She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
