Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
