I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
