By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
