I just saw a hot homeless man
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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