Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
