i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
