I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
