Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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