I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
