Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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