I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
