Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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