So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
