Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
