I can text with my tongue
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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