I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
