Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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