just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
