Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
