I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
