turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
