gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
