Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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