this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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