highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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