talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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