I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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