You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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