the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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