my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So vagazzling was a success
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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