your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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