I am midnight drunk by noon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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