Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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