i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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