doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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