Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
