you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
