So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize