She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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