There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
