We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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