Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
