Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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