i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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