hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
