he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
