you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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