I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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