Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
