she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
