Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
