i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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