Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
