Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
