I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
