I hate your face
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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