is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
