If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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