I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
