Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
