dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
