what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
