I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
