whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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