My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
