there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
