sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
