Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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