Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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