my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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