I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
