Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
