I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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