the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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